Stimulous money

For all the budding and experienced humorists, poets and comical verse lovers!

Moderators: godfather, Dreamweaver

Post Reply
User avatar
Dreamweaver
Global Moderator
Posts: 9004
Joined: 16 Sep 2005, 15:46
Location: Victoria

Stimulous money

Post by Dreamweaver » 23 Dec 2010, 18:38

Talk of a second stimulous package in USA. What if we got a second one? The report could go like this. :lol:

Labor Stimulus by: Gillard and Swan.

Sometime this year, we taxpayers may again receive another 'Economic Stimulus' payment. This is indeed a very exciting program, and I'll explain it by using a Q & A format:
  • Q. What is an 'Economic Stimulus' payment?
    A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.

    Q. Where will the government get this money?
    A. From taxpayers.

    Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?
    A. Only a smidgen of it.

    Q. What is the purpose of this payment?
    A. The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.

    Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China?
    A. Shut up.
Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the Aust. Economy by spending your stimulus cheque wisely:
  • If you spend the stimulus money at Coles, the money will go to China or Sri Lanka.
    If you spend it on petrol, your money will go to the Arabs.
    If you purchase a computer, it will go to India, Taiwan or China.
    If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico, Honduras and Guatemala.
    If you buy an efficient car, it will go to Japan or Korea.
    If you purchase useless stuff, it will go to Taiwan or Indonesia.
    If you pay your credit cards off, or buy stock, it will go to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.
Instead, keep the money in Australia by:
  • 1) Spending it at garage sales.
    2) Going to the football.
    3) Spending it on prostitutes or
    4) Beer or
    5) Tattoos.
(These are the only Australian businesses still operating in Australia)

Conclusion: Go to a footy game with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a garage-sale and drink beer all day!
I dream, therefore I am.

Dawn

Re: Stimulous money

Post by Dawn » 23 Dec 2010, 19:23

What a depressing conclusion! The only thing I like in that lot are garage sales! :lol: :lol: :lol:

User avatar
godfather
Diamond Member
Posts: 13606
Joined: 31 Aug 2005, 20:41
Location: Brisbane

Re: Stimulous money

Post by godfather » 23 Dec 2010, 20:48

ROFL and I'm glad it shows under 'Humorous verse' and not as a genuine post because there are a few flaws in those statements!

Thanks DW, a good laugh. :lol: :lol: :lol:
The devil whispered, “You cannot withstand the storm“ and I replied: “I am the storm!”.....Unknown.

User avatar
lynny
Diamond Member
Posts: 63921
Joined: 30 Sep 2005, 17:15
Location: Hobart Tasmania

Re: Stimulous money

Post by lynny » 24 Dec 2010, 11:53

That's funny DW !
:lol: :lol: :lol:

User avatar
Teddy
Diamond Member
Posts: 26164
Joined: 20 Jun 2008, 15:11
Location: South East Queensland,Australia

Re: Stimulous money

Post by Teddy » 24 Dec 2010, 12:57

My nephew (apparently there was this handout a few years ago)my youngest nephew told me,he bought a Burmese kitten,so which country benefitted from his buy Dreamweaver,hope not that dreadful Burmese Junta?!

User avatar
Dreamweaver
Global Moderator
Posts: 9004
Joined: 16 Sep 2005, 15:46
Location: Victoria

Re: Stimulous money

Post by Dreamweaver » 25 Dec 2010, 20:38

Teddy! :laughing-rollingyellow:

I think the whole thing was altered from a USA original. Like GF says, much is just not so!
I dream, therefore I am.

Post Reply