- Bronze Member
- Posts: 1507
- Joined: 25 Oct 2011, 14:39
- Location: Yeppoon
I’d been pottering around the backyard and had just cleaned up the shed.
when I thought that I was due to take a break.
Just sit down and read the paper, have myself a nice cold beer
now that’s the sort of relaxation I can take.
On Wednesdays they deliver my copy of The Mirror
with the gossip that goes on round the town
so I went out to check the footpath just to grab my copy quick
cause sometimes the bastards pinch it for their own.
No paper well I’ll be buggered I looked up and down the street
but there’s none lying on the footpaths anywhere.
The mongrels must be running late just like they always are
sometimes I think they really just don’t care.
I thought I’ll go down to the school where they put them in a box
for folk who just happen to drive by.
But I’d already had two rums and I really was not sure
that I’d pass the test if I caught the coppers eye.
So I grabbed my five speed push bike this should only take a tick
I’ll ride on down and be right back in five.
but the buggers got a flat tyre so I grabs the grandsons BMX
well there was no way that I could try to drive.
With helmet firmly fastened and a study pair of shoes
I set out up the hill behind our place.
But as I came around the corner that was when I heard it’s cry
and I was pedal pumping fast as I could race.
A bloody mongrel magpie had got me in it’s sights
it looked evil and was swiftly gaining ground.
So I ducked and then I weaved as I put pedal to the metal
with my left arm free and waving all around.
He gave up really quickly and I thought gees that is strange
they will sometimes keep up with their attack.
Then I felt the wings a flapping as another feisty male
tried to peel the skin right off my back.
The cars were whizzing by me and I could hear the drivers laugh
as I stopped the bike and walked it up the hill.
I turned and watched that keen eyed bastard sitting on the old gum tree
he would not attack if I watched him that’s the drill.
Well he turned and flew off down the street so I mounted up again
as I turned the corner headed for my prize.
Then another clicking beak and another screeching cry
almost forced me to verge and my demise.
Well I would not be beaten so I cranked it up again
grabbed a paper then and stuffed it in my bag.
I would whip around the corner and sneak in through the back
then settle back and read the local rag.
I was flying I can tell ya and there was not a bird in sight
as I hit the rise and headed straight for home.
Then you guessed it I heard screeching as another magpie felon
tried to tear the greying hair out of my dome.
I ducked into this laneway that ran behind the house
I was sweating and running out of gas.
But I made it to the driveway and then ducked into the yard
but that was when I felt like such an ass.
There lying in the driveway was The Mirror plain as day
they had dropped it off while I was fighting for my life.
So I’ve now made this solum promise till the very day I die
I will just drink more rum and stay home out of strife.
Bob Pacey ©