For Lexophiles

For all the budding and experienced humorists, poets and comical verse lovers!

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Dawn

For Lexophiles

Post by Dawn » 30 Dec 2010, 13:37

1. A bicycle can’t stand alone; it is two tired.
2. A will is a dead giveaway.
3. Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
4. A backward poet writes inverse.
5. A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.
6. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
7. The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.
8. You are stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.
9. He broke into song because he couldn’t find the key.
10. A calendar’s days are numbered.
11. A boiled egg is hard to beat.
12. He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
13. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison: a small medium at large.
14. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
15. When you’ve seen one shopping centre you’ve seen a mall.
16. If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.
17. When she saw her first strands of grey hair, she thought she’d dye..
18. Santa’s helpers are subordinate clauses.
19. Acupuncture: a jab well done.
20. Marathon runners with bad shoes suffer the agony of de feet.
21. The roundest knight at king Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
22. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
23. She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still.
24. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.
25. No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.
26. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
27. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
28. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
29. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
30. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
31. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab centre said: ‘Keep off the Grass.’
32. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said ‘No change yet’
33. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
34. Don’t join dangerous cults: practice safe sects.

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donander
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Joined: 08 Mar 2010, 12:21
Location: Northern Gold Coast, Australia

Re: For Lexophiles

Post by donander » 30 Dec 2010, 15:07

Dawn, I love that stuff .... thanks. Do you remember My Word from BBC radio? Dennis Norden, Frank Muir & crew.

The New York Times Words of the Year (maybe not as good as usual?) can be found here:
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/12/19/weeki ... ifton.html
The last interglacial had less ice, higher sea levels, and warmer temperatures than this one. So, according to the evidence so far, human activity must have a COOLING effect.

Dawn

Re: For Lexophiles

Post by Dawn » 30 Dec 2010, 18:09

Yes, I do remember My Word. I have always loved the BBC's word shows and have noticed that the Americans have copied one or two but usually they are not worth watching.

Another thing I have noticed with Austar. As you can imagine there are a lot of American shows on all the channels. What I find incredible is just how 'dumbed down' they are. The women are all beeeeutiful and the men are all muscly, everybody has lots of guns and nobody can act. Thankfully, there is UKTV.

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donander
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Joined: 08 Mar 2010, 12:21
Location: Northern Gold Coast, Australia

Re: For Lexophiles

Post by donander » 30 Dec 2010, 19:44

Anyone reading this thread will probably enjoy this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ceqU9IPDEnU
The last interglacial had less ice, higher sea levels, and warmer temperatures than this one. So, according to the evidence so far, human activity must have a COOLING effect.

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godfather
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Posts: 13606
Joined: 31 Aug 2005, 20:41
Location: Brisbane

Re: For Lexophiles

Post by godfather » 30 Dec 2010, 20:35

Good one, Dawn, thanks!
\:D/ \:D/ \:D/

Yes, I also remember the painting commercial. Very funny!

\:D/ \:D/ \:D/
The devil whispered, “You cannot withstand the storm“ and I replied: “I am the storm!”.....Unknown.

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Teddy
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Joined: 20 Jun 2008, 15:11
Location: South East Queensland,Australia

Re: For Lexophiles

Post by Teddy » 30 Dec 2010, 22:52

Thanks Dawn. :lol:

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