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How did speaking up for women become slandering of men?

Posted: 12 Jul 2018, 21:45
by Warrigal
This poem was read on ABC Radio Melbourne (talkback) and a huge number of women and men agreed her poem about society's response to violence against women summed up their own feelings.

Any reactions?
When I say I'm afraid of men who mean me harm,
You tell me not to make a fuss, there's no need for alarm.
That not all men are like that, not to stress my pretty head,
Or talk about those other men just look at you instead.
But what of women suffering, a slap, a punch, a shove,
A life of menacing oppression from a man they love.

Not all men are sexist, not all men disrespect,
Not all men are the man who harms what he should protect.
Not all men are vicious, not all men are brutes,
Not all men are the man who punches, rapes and shoots.
Not all men use violence, most are courteous and kind,
But when I talk of toxic men, others feel maligned.

So I ask you to consider, when you jump in to defend,
How did speaking up for women become slandering of men?
Why is it when I voice my fears you first defend your brothers,
Instead of listening to your sisters, mothers or your lovers.
I need you to hear my voice and listen to my fears,
But you just keep on shouting louder and my voice just disappears.

Not all men will listen, not all men understand,
You tell me you are not all men, a verbal sleight of hand.
I can look at you and love you and yet still be afraid,
While so much deadly violence still seems to be man-made.
Do not usurp my story, don't tell me what to do,
This is not about all men, don't make it about you.
http://www.abc.net.au/news/2018-07-11/c ... en/9980640

Re: How did speaking up for women become slandering of men?

Posted: 12 Jul 2018, 22:23
by kfchugo
While I understand the concerns of women and dont seek to minimise this problem,I do share the attitude of a LOT of men. For those of us that do respect women and treat them as equals, we resent being lumped in with those OTHERS. Its like racism, sexism or any other "ism"......we do tend to generalise and lump everyone in the category with those individuals that cause the problem.
When it comes to violence against women, I can only stress that MEN are not the problem......it is some small few males who ARE the problem and they fully deserve punishment and public shaming commensurate with the offences they commit.

Re: How did speaking up for women become slandering of men?

Posted: 12 Jul 2018, 22:54
by Dreamweaver
She seems to have a number of issues there.
One that not all men use violence, most are courteous and kind, and related to that is the issue of all men feeling maligned.

Then there is the issue of
"I can look at you and love you and yet still be afraid,
While so much deadly violence still seems to be man-made."
So perhaps many men would feel they are all being maligned. And another
But you just keep on shouting louder and my voice just disappears.
Yes, I can see where she's coming from. But violence isn't always man made, it can be woman made too, but that doesn't make headlines as it's seldom deadly, though I do remember one man who told me his wife had a couple of times tried to run him over with the car!

Jealousy can underlie violence, physical or verbal. One man told his wife his jealousy proved how much he loved her, and she should be happy for it. I think many of us go into relationships with too high expectations. Then we fear we haven't met our partner's expectations, that we will lose him or her. And pride ruined, that we have failed, when we have just been human - the relationship has failed, rather than one or both partners. Fear is the tyrant. How do we get rid of it?

I admire the broken relationships where it has happened amicably, and a new platonic one established. I don't think that happened much in our parents' day, or in ours either.

Re: How did speaking up for women become slandering of men?

Posted: 13 Jul 2018, 09:26
by Perrorist
This is an interesting topic. I've participated in discussions on domestic violence where at some point a male will state that not all men are guilty and yet are being maligned as if they are. They are not. The culprits are mostly men; hence the perpetrators are referred to in the male gender. There are strident feminists who declare that all men are bastards, but they are few and extreme and should be ignored.

The focus should be on why some people feel they must use physical force to get their way or to punish. Some use non-physical actions, too. Is it because they've seen it in their parents' behaviour, like an abused child in turn may become an abuser themselves? Or a character defect? Or a sadistic manipulation of a dependent partner? There may be any number of reasons, but even if we identified them all, how do we discover who are the most likely to offend, and what do we do to prevent violence before it's enacted? Therein lies the difficulty.

Meanwhile, financial and community support for victims needs to be increased. Sadly, the government has recently cut the funds available for this.

Re: How did speaking up for women become slandering of men?

Posted: 15 Jul 2018, 18:53
by Dreamweaver
Most men I know or knew well, treated women as equals. The one exception now comes to mind, with the question why? He (we'll call him A) was the eldest child, his father, a decent man though a drinker, was in New Guinea in WWll, then invalided home, A's mother didn't take the stress too well, A felt responsible for the family, and brought in money from rabbiting. The next child was a girl, and she had to cope with cooking and housework. Apparently she upset big brother A by carrying tales to Mum about his behaviour, and one night when he came in late for the meal she complained to him. He snapped, and broke her nose. In later years he said this behaviour was sudden and uncontrollable, a wave of blackness sweeping over him so he didn't know what he was doing.

Many years later, married and settled down, A got into a trifling argument with a favourite brother, and fueled by drink went berserk again. After getting brother on the ground A was kicking him in the face, breaking his teeth. A raced home in tears saying he had killed his brother. A's wife went to investigate, found the brother had recovered enough to make his way to his own home where his wife was patching him up. A payed for dental work, and presented the family with a car, as their own was a bomb.

I guess every case of domestic violence has its own individual story behind it. One doesn't explain another.

Re: How did speaking up for women become slandering of men?

Posted: 15 Jul 2018, 23:05
by Warrigal
Alcohol plays a big role in domestic violence. So does weekend football. The number of incidents goes up when the home team is beaten.

That is domestic violence. What explains violence against women and girls by strangers? Why do men stalk and assault girls walking home alone? What makes them think that they are entitled to favours?

How is it that louts on a train think it is great sport to surround a school girl in uniform and put their hands all over her? Can anyone enlighten me about male culture that leads to this? I have no idea, having had no brothers and educated in girls only schools.